Pro Se Follies

macaca_nigra_self-portrait_custom-a8e13582c9ca6f71f5cd62815b8bb5d6ff112dc2-s300-c85Over on the Pro Se Away blog by the hapless Bill Schmalfeldt, he has decided that since his fatally flawed Second Amendment Complaint contains similarities to a complaint filed by John Hoge’s Pro Bono lawyer that his complaint meets the rigorous standards that will guarantee him success.

In other words, defendants should start hiding the wives, children and assets offshore because he’s coming for you!

Note:  This is a really long and technical article with lots of legalese for potential Pro Se Plaintiffs.

Let’s fisk his claims.

There is much chirping and squawking over at HOGEWASH these days expressing the belief that I may have destroyed my own case by seeking to amend my complaint by adding Doe Defendants to the case. They claim that since the residence of the Doe Defendants cannot be determined, then diversity jurisdiction and, thus, subject matter jurisdiction evaporates and my case will be dismissed.

And they would be right.  The way you added them is the problem.

I am not a lawyer.

Yeah, and that’s never stopped you from filing seven previous failures despite not learning from those exercises.   In reality, that should have given you pause to even attempt a suit in the first place, let alone file an even more ridiculous amended complaint.

It says so at the top of the blog. Therefore, I rely on the results of actual lawyers who have achieved actual success and do my pro-se best to learn from their tactics. 

Except merely filing a complaint does not guarantee success, you dumbass!   And simply copying the technique without understanding the why does not automatically mean you’re going to win.  There is so much more than just copying or emulating snippets from one complaint.

But if you really want to know the difference, all you had to do was read the complaint filed by the attorneys to see what happened.

So let me show you why you failed:


See?  Now, that wasn’t so hard!  But, I’m sure with this really informative explanation you’re still going to somehow screw this up.

At any rate, I think it’s entirely possible the magistrate, after some significant eye rolling, sighing, and wondering why God is punishing them for having to deal with this, will probably ask to have your motion denied and your case dismissed because you rendered your FAC moot.   Brilliant move, Sherlock.

And don’t forget this guy’s famous words:


He who represents himself has a fool for a client.” – Abraham Lincoln

(I saw this on the internet so it must be true!)

13 thoughts on “Pro Se Follies

    • He should have taken up video gaming. There, he could a) satisfy his bloodlust (because, hey, who doesn’t enjoy smiting one’s foes?) and b) anonymously troll 13-year-olds.

      Liked by 3 people

  1. Wasn’t it Bill that copied a successful motion filed by a defendant in one of his previous lolsuites and had his motion trashed by the judge? He couldn’t figure out why when it worked for A in one lawsuit, it didn’t work for him in a completely different one. The man is a walking bag of stupid.

    Liked by 8 people


    (Asking for a friend.) Does he really control ALL OF THE BLOGS???


    Liked by 4 people

  3. Pingback: Ways in which to ruin your case as a Pro Se Plaintiff: Pro Tip #38 | Sonoran Conservative

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