Twitter Court LULZ du jour

macaca_nigra_self-portrait_custom-a8e13582c9ca6f71f5cd62815b8bb5d6ff112dc2-s300-c85Today in Twitter Court, Ace Attorney Bill S(chmalfeldt) Preston, Esq has made a most excellent declarative in how he is going to prosecute his case.

The first order of business: Subpoena WordPress, Internet Service Providers, cable companies and router hardware companies to find out the identities of those who are posting comments about him on sites he goes to look for butthurt.



Funny thing about that Board of Legal Review.  When that board opined that you would never get your case to discovery, the scoreboard says..


Kinda hard to get information if your case never makes it to discovery.

*There were eight cases total.  Three were dismissed before the court allowed motions: One Bill dismissed before it got out of the gate, one because his IFP was denied, and one because the pro-bono attorneys couldn’t run to the courthouse fast enough to get themselves removed.  We counted the one for the pro-bono attorney because, well, only an idiot would have assumed the law firm was desperate for that kind of work.

Update:  After checking my research, Neal N. Bob’s comment below is correct.  I made the adjustment in the above paragraph.

10 thoughts on “Twitter Court LULZ du jour

  1. Router hardware companies? Really?

    As an actual expert in the field (CCIE, published author, etc., etc.) I have to assume that Bill has absolutely no idea what the hell he’s talking about.

    This judgement, of course, relies on no expertise whatsoever. Everyone has already reached the same conclusion.

    Liked by 4 people

    • OK, I MAY have exaggerated on the router companies. But, this is Bill we’re talking about, the same guy whose blog has comments that all come from IP address That’s the same IP address he claimed was the source of a hacker attack. Go figure.

      Liked by 1 person

    • “Router hardware companies? Really?

      As an actual expert in the field (CCIE, published author, etc., etc.) I have to assume that Bill has absolutely no idea what the hell he’s talking about.”

      Heh. The understatement of the year, Russ.

      The more I learn about my fellow Zombie Lickspittles as the years go by… the more I love, appreciate, and respect them.

      I told the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt years back (and, I have repeated this truth from time-to-time since then)… The Blob has NO idea who is sitting behind pseudonymous usernames. He has NO idea who they are, what they do, what they know, nor WHO they may know.

      But, the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt just can’t help himself… he just continues to play with fire. #HotStove


      Liked by 2 people

  2. He WILL file a motion requesting early discovery so that he can move quickly to the DISAPPOINTMENT stage when he finds out how willing those entities truly are to provide massive data dumps to every Shrunk, Dicken Billy with an inflamed butthole.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I look forward to DUMBFUCK explaining to the court why he should be granted the subpoena, given that I don’t remember a need for one being referenced in his complaint and he can’t amend without leave from the Court. It’s really too bad he didn’t name Doe defendants this time out.

      On the other hand, needledick has thought that judges were supposed to be his lawyers before.

      I’m also at a loss to why he thinks WordPress even could identify anyone.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Does Witless Willie know what a can of worms he is opening when trying to breach anonymity? Certain things that might otherwise be irrelevant become relevant under such circumstances (such as every peace/restraining order ever imposed upon him). Well, we really will not know how much fun can be had until he asks for a second amended complaint.

    And Aaron can just recycle his motion in South Carolina about John Doe and Jane Roe defendants. It will be fun to see if there are screams from that state when Aaron files an appearance for a defendant or two. The screaming was epic in Wisconsin. I particularly liked the argument that a licensed attorney trained at the Yale Law School was not up to representing the defendants adequately against a pro se plaintiff who cannot be relied upon to spell his name correctly, to base a claim on a tort recognized in the forum, or to avoid ex parte communications.

    Liked by 5 people

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