With apologies to Michael Jackson

txp7oyiDear Mr. Jackson,

If you are reading this, I would like to apologize that you are about to be, or have been, annoyed by a one Mr. Bill Schmalfeldt.   Mr. Schmalfeldt, an award winning idiot, is involved in an internet tussle of Free Speech Zombies.   These zombies, and myself included, cause him a lot of butthurt because we have the AUDACITY to actually quote and use his own words against him, because he’s stupid.   What a pussy!  In fact, he recently lost a fight to a chair in his motel room and told everyone about it.  No seriously!


He seems to think this is your blog.  Obviously, it is not.  I don’t know how he thinks it’s yours, but supposedly he is going to make this great reveal in a podcast where he uses his incompetent sleuthing abilities to show what breadcrumbs I apparently left that point to you. I assure you with all respect, I have no idea who you are, and that I purposely never intended to ever have you, or anyone else, associated with this blog.

Do not be afraid of him.  He is all talk and bluster, and while he is mostly fat, there is no meat to him.  He currently resides in an extended stay motel room in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, because he can’t seem to find an apartment, which is most likely because he’s been evicted and renters generally steer clear of you without an exorbitant security deposit.   That means he is poor.  His last wife passed away and he eagerly collected some money, only to spend it in a year and half on toys he had to give up.

Now, he’s found the love of his life in South Carolina where his Operation of Ineptitude continues.  They create the fake personas that they are better than everyone else, but with the life choices they make (she bought a $1500 cat and has no money) it’s clear they are just horrendously stupid people and should be treated as such.

He also like to tell everyone he is disabled and says if you aren’t compliant to his demands, you’re being a big ol’ meanie to a hapless guy with fake Parkinson’s.  He’s not hapless. He’s a liar and a shyster.  He has no reputation and uses his computer as a weapon, albeit not very well, which is why you’re reading this post.  Sorry about that.

He likes to extort people with their “secrets on the internet” he finds.  And while he spends a lot of time showcasing his failure,  he ends up deleting everything anyway because he can’t keep a blog going for more than 30 days.  Lord knows, if he has to go to court (and he will because he is being sued and predicted it would never go to trial – and yet, he’s got a date with the witness chair) he can’t be bothered with producing documentation, even when a judge tells him.

Did I mention that he was ordered to appear before the Judge in the case he’s being sued, and faces sanctions for recording courtroom audio against court procedures?   He was stupid enough to post it on the internet. No really, he did!  I hear through the little birdies that the judge isn’t very happy.

At any rate, having experienced his bumbling idiocy for the last couple of years, I would like to offer the following guidance on how to deal with this clown.  First things first, though, do some research on him before accepting any communications.  Here are some good places to read about him.

Thinking Man’s Zombie

Billy Sez

Dave and Dave Artisan Craft Blog


Granted, these are all my friends, but they have recorded years of his stupidity and he’s sued each one to have them silenced.  As you can see, that has worked out so well.  In fact, I can count in the double digits how many times he’s told everyone he’s going to own wives and houses, and yet, nada.  (see extended motel room above.)

Anyways,  if you choose to engage in conversation with him, do the following.

  • Record the conversation.
  • Do not let him badger you.  Kindly tell him to leave you alone and if he refuses or chooses to continue to engage, then tell him to fuck off.   Yell if you need to.  Most states have harassment laws that say if you give notice that you don’t want contact, further attempts constitute civil and/or criminal harassment.
  • Do not share your address or other personal information, just remind him that his clock urn needs to be wound… wait, don’t say that.. well, if he’s not listening, go ahead.  Just don’t share anything with him and don’t answer his questions.
  • If he still persists, then tell him you will seek a restraining order against him (he has 11 from 5 different states – yes FIVE STATES –  including one from a 3 year old – yes a 3 YEAR OLD TODDLER GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST HIM!  HOW STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO GET ONE 5 STATES OVER??)  Make copies of everything you see  here about you and any blog posts he makes in his twitter feed.  Once you’ve downloaded all you need,  file for a restraining order and make sure you let the court know that you do not know who he is, that he called you out of the blue and is harassing you.  Also tell them you fear for you and your family’s safety because he is relentless.  For that one, all you need to do is google Brett Kimberlin.  They are buddies.
  • Report him to Twitter that he is actively engaged in harassment against you.  Make sure you save everything first.
  • Also, contact local law enforcement if he brings up that he wants to sue you.   He seems to think he can threaten you with a lawsuit, but that ship is going nowhere. Extortion is highly frowned upon by authorities, so don’t let him badger you or use whatever information he’s dug up on you to coerce you.  You have a right to be left alone.

So, again, my apologies to you and your family, but Bill Schmalfeldt is nothing more than a big whiny crybaby who seems to think he can bully you and anyone for a war he cannot win.  Don’t let him intimidate you or make your life miserable because he’s an idiot.

MJ (aka Sonoran Conservative)




2 thoughts on “With apologies to Michael Jackson

  1. Pingback: Michael David Jackson, Don’t Blame Me | Dave Alexander & Company with David Edgren and Gus Bailey – The Artisan Craft Blog

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