I was thinking about this impeachment thing a bit in relation to some past experiences.
One of the consistencies with Bill Schmalfeldt when he makes arguments in court filings is that he lacks any real understanding of legal concepts.. or critical thinking for that matter. To be fair, someone who decides to file a federal lawsuit on their own without any lawyerly education is about 99.999999 ad-infinitum percent doomed to fail. Still, ol’ Bill fancied himself as a high powered lawyer and prosecutor in many federal district courts.
In his last suit filed in South Carolina, he attempted to push a number of conspiracy theories with little or no evidence; and the little evidence he supplied was often not really evidence but his own self-serving statements. His strategy was literally to throw anything and everything that offended him into a brief and try to convince the judge they had a moral obligation to deal with this terrible problem that others brought upon him.
I often found myself wondering how a judge was able to keep a straight face when reading the drivel that came from his poop-laced fingers typing on the keyboard. I surmised there were plenty of other “Schmalfeldt” types who’ve tried their hand at the legal profession. The ability to file your own lawsuit in a court and represent yourself is a right under the federal judicial system; whether you should exercise that right depends on the level of your brazen Schmalfeldtian stupidity.
Schmalfeldt’s attempts to understand the legal process was a colossal failure superseded only by his ineptness in actually building a conspiracy. I’m sure in his head he knew for certain that WJJ Hoge and his merry band of Lickspittles (myself included) were holding meetings in secret bunkers looking to figure out how to make poor ol’ Bill’s life a living hell. Alas, it wasn’t true, but that didn’t stop him from pushing tales that would rival Tom Clancy novels, at least in his mind.
Incredibly, Schmalfeldt would tell his opponents exactly how the legal process would play out in his favor. He claimed after practically every filing that not only would a judge brush aside any Motion To Dismiss, but that it would behoove the defendants not to damage their own case by making statements against interest – mind you, he had no problem doing that to himself, but that isn’t the point.
Often, he would remind the poor folks who had the full weight of a federal lawsuit hanging on their shoulders that his case and subsequent cross-examination would not only result in guilty pleas, but that the defendants lives would be forever ruined. He believed that in the end, the jury would have no choice but to award him defendants’ property, wives, kids, bank accounts, and other financial assets. In short: His case was so rock solid that it was just a matter of time before the ticking hands of the doom clock sealed defendants fate. After all, he had the law, morality, evidence, and the conspiracy facts all on his side.
Watching Adam Schiff and his merry band of Team Kimbergarten wannabees present the Democrats’ case for impeachment was a more intense version of a Schmalfeldt failure in progress. Like Schmalfeldt, they made countless assertions and conclusory statements without direct supporting evidence. For the evidentiary holes in the conspiracy, they resorted to mind-reading and distractions. More often than not, they expected you to take them at their word that in fact, President Trump made a direct request for investigations to benefit his campaign because it couldn’t be anything else (despite the fact they never collected testimony from any of the relevant players.) What other possible explanation could there be if any?
And when trying to make the public argument, like Schmalfeldt did when he posted to his hardly read website or on his free-trial internet radio station of the week, Schiff brandished the moral imperative that President Trump was a threat to the Republic and democracy itself! Trump was going to cheat in this election like he did in 2016 and Schiff had all the evidence of collusion!
His emotional pleas at the end of his presentation was an attempt to appeal to one’s patriotism, only to see him torpedo it by quoting an anonymous sourced article that said the jury was being threatened. Sorta like when Schmalfeldt would tell the bloggers they needed to moderate their blog reader’s comments, lest they make their situation even more dire. I can’t tell you how many times Schmalfeldt would tell me how much financial danger I was in if I didn’t reign in my readers’ comments.
Interestingly, the Democrats latest gambit is to have the Senate call witnesses the House managers never called in their committees to get to the truth. This would be similar to Schmalfeldt filing an amended complaint and adding in Roes and Does to be named later. The resulting lulz challenged even folks who regularly stretched the appropriate muscles before reading the complaint.
Of course, Schmalfeldt’s cases would be dismissed before they ever got started. Unlike the impeachment, there would be no trial to expose the conspiracy because Schmalfeldt couldn’t get past the jurisdiction requirement. Unlike Schmalfeldt, Schiff will watch as a team of highly skilled and trained lawyers representing the President expose the factual and legal failings of his and his team’s case. It will be wrecked with deadly precision that will cause the liberal Senators to become unhinged in front of the press.
Whether that will end the trial quickly or not will all depend on key Republicans decisions after questioning, and especially new leaks over the next week that might end up with witnesses being called to fill the holes Schiff expects will bolster his case. What he might not realize, just like Schmalfeldt, is that the testimony may actually sink the Democrats case.
The only other comparison between the House Managers and Schmalfeldt is whether the House managers have the same kind of Parkinson’s Disease diagnosis Bill shopped for years ago. I’m thinking no because they haven’t used it as a weapon, but I’m also not a doctor. And neither is Schmalfeldt.
And speaking of Parkinson’s Disease, here is ol’ Bill in Macomb, Illinois, fondling a cat.
No walker, cane or other aid to help him since he was wheelchair bound back in 2015. The remission continues.