So much wrong with a certain someone’s self awareness.
Obviously, this is singularly untrue. The problem Schmalfeldt has is that he rarely tells the truth. He has shared many such falsehoods on the internet. He was even stupid enough to enshrine the biggest whoppers in his eight lawsuit failures.
If you were to stack each failure and lie end to end, it would encircle the earth and moon many times over. And probably reek of poo since it comes from his mouth surrounded by a poop flaked beard.
I did find this funny:
But someone misspelled his name, even in those enshrined legal failures. Imagine having a surname but unable to spell it. I imagine it has something to with his Parkinson’s diagnosis.
If he ever finds his self-awareness, there would be a bright explosion before turning on itself into a singularity and disappears from the universe.. sorta like matter and anti-matter interacting. The only thing left were small scraps of dried fecal matter slowly falling to the ground.
But yeah, a bunch of kids mistook him for being Santa Claus. Not.
Sonoran Conservative 
Two thirds of the title fits:
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I thought people with Parkinson’s weren’t supposed to smoke.
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They also shouldn’t drink or drive, but he does those things as well.
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No one should offer strangers photos of their wife’s fresh corpse, either, but that didn’t stop him…
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Or actually sending photos of his dying wife to strangers, but he did that too.
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Maybe, and I’m just spitballing here, the kid didn’t think he was Santa but that Schmalfeldt promised him a playstation for….ummm…..other things. You know, like dressing as a Boy Scout or something. William Schmalfeldt does have a documented history of writing homoerotic stories about young boys in the scouting program.
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“Play-station? It’s right in the basement! Come, I’ll show you…”
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I know the cigars have always been a substitute for something else (like Freud said ” a cigar is just a cigar, but only some of the time”), but what I really want to know is when did Fakinson’s Boy replace his walker with the Razor Scootypuff (vroom, VROOM!!) propped against the wall there?
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Let’s hope that’s not a sign he’s around children.
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I’ll take, “Things That Never Happened” for $600, Trebek.
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Has the shit rolling Santa lost the job he hasn’t started yet?
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