There is not a sin in this world that gets by Schmalfeldt. In fact, the intrepid reporter from Billy Boy Unread has decided that one of the individuals he is suing apparently brags too much about his wealth on the internet. This is a big fat no-no when Schmalfeldt struggles to pay rent at a run-down condo, and run a “hardly-listened-to-internet radio station” playing songs about poop he produced.

Even worse, he spams his few twitter robots continuously, hoping one of them will actually listen to one, or perhaps retweet one.

Schmalfeldt’s butthurt boils burn to the point where wisps of smoke can be seen escaping from the open backed seat of the Walmart flagged Chief Justice Mobile Command Center when the Google alerts go off.

Here’s the short scoop if you haven’t been paying attention.

Schmalfeldt is suing four individuals in the US District Court of South Carolina for lots of ailing butthurt he has been experiencing for years. These puss-filled boils of extreme pain are caused by people exercising the God given First Amendment rights to report on the dumbassery he exhibits on a regular basis.

After his suit was filed, the defendants received pro-bono representation from a very well established southern gentleman and respected attorney named Louis Nettles. While it is not known how Mr. Nettles offered his services to the honorable and worthy defendants, Schmalfeldt has chosen to pursue one of his well known tactics of sowing dissention between the defendants and their attorney.

Now realize, Schmalfeldt is not represented by an attorney. In fact, history has shown that no attorney in their right mind could sit in a room with Schmalfeldt and take him seriously. Listening to Schmalfeldt weave a conspiracy with so little evidence and so much obvious butthurt would only cause severe abdominal pain to the point where any person in close proximity would need critical medical attention and possible surgery for their wounded lulz muscles.

Even so, Schmalfeldt remains determined to get justice for the percolating ass boils that are continually regenerated each time he loads his browser and goes looking for libel and defamation.

Up until this point, Schmalfeldt’s relationship with the defendants’ attorney has been somewhat cordial. In fact, when the hotel Schmalfeldt was staying in had unexpectedly caught on fire and forced him to move, Mr. Nettles graciously sent a note asking if Schmalfeldt was alright and offered assistance if he needed any.

However, Schmalfeldt is now thinking that maybe Mr. Nettles was being taken advantage of because Hoge has money.  This is extremely irritating to Schmalfeldt because if someone has money, especially since Schmalfeldt doesn’t (due to his bad choices in life) that means defendants’ should be spending money on the lawyer to defend against the most awesome lawsuit in legal history, and not be receiving pro-bono services.

Schmalfeldt foolishly and hilariously believes that his legal acumen is on par with a distinguished attorney, and thus, his opponents should spend large sums of cash because this case is going to trial and Schmalfeldt expects he’ll win.

Schmalfeldt’s acute jealousy of Hoge is what is driving his deranged actions. Hoge wins at almost every level in the battle of wits. While Hoge did not prevail in his case, Schmalfeldt didn’t attend and probably saved himself some serious embarrassment on the stand.

And let’s not forget when Schmalfeldt went to North Carolina to challenge the No Contact Order petition by Sarah Palmer, and he actually ADMITTED to harassment. Imagine the failure that would have occurred HAD he shown up in Hoge’s case. Probably a good thing Kimberlin convinced Schmalfeldt to stay home.

Got all this?

Good.

So, he decides to email Mr. Nettles and tell on Hoge. No seriously, he tattled to Hoge’s attorney that Hoge has money.

And then Mr. Nettles responded:

Dear Mr. Schmalfeldt:

Responding to your email of September 7.

You asked two questions

1. Mr. Hoge claims you contacted him and offered your services after reading about my lawsuit against him. Is that true?

2. If so, are you aware that [Mr.] Hoge is bragging about this to his readers and about how much money he has?

Neither of these question requires an response from me. You may assume I read Mr. Hoge’s blog on occasion. My work on this case is not charity, it is for the benefit of the public. I would request you not send me emails insulting my clients.

Sincerely,
Louis D. Nettles

 

That’s gotta hurt.  After picking his now bloodied pride off the floor, he whiffs badly on the comeback:

Translation: “WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DEFEND THESE PEOPLE MAKING FUN OF ME!! CAN’T YOU SEE HOW HORRIBLE MY BUTTHURT BOILS ARE????”

Not only has Mr. Nettles chosen not to engage Schmalfeldt’s idiocy, Schmalfeldt is now in the precarious position of figuring out what is the next really stupid thing he can do, instead of walking away.

Sit back and watch the show. The may well cause serious lulz.  Stretch ’em good.