Over at Hogewash!, John Hoge shares the filing submitted by the defendants to the court in LOLSuit VIII.
Reading the filing, I have a few observations..
Mr. Nettles wastes no time bringing to the court’s attention that this is a classic SLAPP suit and its sole purpose is to shut people up. Schmalfeldt doesn’t like what the defendant’s write and he thinks that what they say is harmful, despite never showing why.
Next he proceeds to take care of the jurisdictional issues. None of the defendants are in South Carolina, and Schmalfeldt has shown no harm to him as a result of his short time there. This is the reason none of Schmalfeldt’s suits have managed to make it past the motions round, and Mr. Nettles makes sure the courts see his past behavior and the dismal results.
Then, the hilarity begins. Mr. Nettles asks the court to strike all the scandalous and impertinent comments made by Schmalfeldt out of his complaint. For example:
From Paragraph 2 of the Complaint the words “He has described himself online as a bipolar “functioning sociopath.’ ” and the words “He is divorced and estranged from his ex-wife and son, a fact he blames on Schmalfeldt”.
None of that has any bearing on his complaint. Schmalfeldt is using statements intended to bias a court which is against the rules. It also includes statements he claims bolster his jurisdictional issues:
From Paragraph 9 of the Complaint the words:
“Because of the many years of libelous publications, including directives to “Google Bill Schmalfeldt,” it is understandable that South Carolina landlords would refuse to rent an apartment to the Plaintiff Thus, due in large part to the libelous and reckless activities of the Defendants, South Carolina landlords have been deprived of the income they would make from a law-abiding renter. Thus aiming their blogs and comments at South Carolina landlords, all four defendants have purposefully availed themselves with South Carolina contacts and have caused harm to forum state residents other than the Plaintiff and his future wife.”
The next item on the list: A motion to get Schmalfeldt to actually make a claim with specifics after he became a resident of South Carolina since he’s relying on the state’s long arm statute.
In other words, if you’re going to file a lawsuit over butthurt in South Carolina, you should at least explain when the boils started itching and burning and what caused them.
And finally, a motion to dismiss the suit for failure to state a claim in the first place.
This leaves the court with some decisions to make in terms of what it should do. Will it grant motions for Schmalfeldt to modify his suit and bring it in line with rules; or will the court wait to see Schmalfeldt’s opposition and then decide to just end it by granting the Motion to Dismiss for Jurisdiction and/or failure to state a claim?
I’ll say this: It was very direct and to the point. There are a lot of problems with Schmalfeldt’s complaint and the attorney wasted no time getting right to issues and giving the court an easy out. The next step is for Schmalfeldt to file an opposition which means, this is going to get incredibly funny.
Grab some popcorn and get a good seat. The show is about to begin.
Look at when his response is due. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
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What could go wrong?
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So Mr Nettle is just gonna settle…
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Yes, because these documents read like they’re written by an attorney desperately trying to convince his clients to settle…
Oh, wait….
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“And get ready, cuz this sh!t’s about to get heavy,
I just settled all my lawsuits – F**K YOU DEBBIE!”
–Eminem
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Substitute “Debbie” with “Fatty” and….
Perfection.
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If it was me I would ip deny him from the other sites. I think it’s possible to block by city too? Let him use google cache to research his claims. That wouldn’t be spoiling evidence if you don’t delete anything.
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You could draw him a map that shows him failing in his strategy, and offer irrefutable documentation along with it. And he’d still ignore it.
He tweeted out before the SAC that he had learned his lesson and he had overcome the jurisdiction problem, even though that wasn’t the only fatal flaw he had. And then he introduced even more flaws.
So while blocking him might be for fun, the reality is, he is going to do something even more bizarre and hilarious precisely because he thinks he knows it all.
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You never go full Schmalfeldt. Well, maybe Roy, maybe… but the rest of us? We go full Schmalfeldt, how do we know we ever came back?
Apologies, Roy.
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No offense taken. Seriously.
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“None of that has any bearing on his complaint. Schmalfeldt is using statements intended to bias a court which is against the rules.”
The Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt is taking lessons from his master – the Domestic Terrorist Brett “The Speedway Bomber” Kimberlin.
Someday a court really needs to smack both of these goons hard for their abuse of the system, and for using litigation to further harass and defame their victims.
Sick f*cks.
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My adult is bigger than his adult
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I know how I would write my opposition, but then I would never have filed this thing in the first place.
No. I am not going to disclose how I would do it. It is true that Witless has done his best to prove himself ineducable, but the gods (especially Loki) have an evil sense of humor.
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There are pictures out there that also at least strongly suggest that Loki has terrible breath, too.
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I don’t think an animated gif of King Kong Bundy pounding on a table would really translate well, but that’s his best possible argument.
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Willy has the heft of Bundy, but does he have the moves?
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Without Scooty Puff (it’s RED! VROOM VROOM!!!), I’m gonna go with, uh, no. 😃
Ah, the hell with that. Even with it, no way in hell.
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Of course not. Bundy was fat but not weak.
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If you will not learn, then you will teach.
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A rather fat Scat
With a silly pork hat
Stumbled into court
To defend his crap
I am a professional
Of stalking and hate
Dont bother to decide
If i am too late
To defend my actions
To defend my fate
I had to ask questions
Of people i hate
As long as i am
Polite as a flower
My petal are poison
With gold in a shower
So dont judge me judge
I said with a sneer
You cant fault me woman
My face in a leer
This crazy female
Has no concept
I cant really see
Why shes so upset
All i asked
Was for her damn address
Oh i may have defamed
A sweet little baby
Thatcould be a kid
In her family tree
I had a right
To request information
As i was a hero
In this great nation
So i talked and talked
To a bored magistrate
I boasted of wins
In my latest spate
But now the real score
Is 0 out of eight
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